


Poker? I- I’m Gay

by samandcheesewinchesterr



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Buck uses he/they pronouns and you can’t do anything about it, Coming Out, Firefam is nosy, M/M, lots of fluff honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26335384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samandcheesewinchesterr/pseuds/samandcheesewinchesterr
Summary: A completely self-indulgent Buck x Josh fic because there isn’t enough content for these two.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley & Josh Russo, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 18
Kudos: 82





	1. Long Drives and Awkward Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> Alright i know the title is stupid but i laughed so hard when i thought of it that i had to use it.

“Yes!” Buck cheered as Maddie threw her cards onto the table. “Four months of poker nights and I finally won a game against you!” He smiled triumphantly.

Chimney and Josh just stared at the scene unfolding in front of them. They knew the Buckley’s were competitive and they’d never seen Maddie lose at poker. 

“Damn it! You know you only won because I’m not feeling well,” Maddie argued, accentuating her point with a cough. 

“I’ll take what I can get.”

Buck knew not to push Maddie too far, especially when she was sick. 

“How _are_ you feeling Mads? You seem worse than you did this morning,” Chimney asked carefully. Maddie could be stubborn and if she didn’t want to be sick, she would never admit she was. 

Today was apparently different. 

“I am. Sorry guys but I think I’m going to turn in early tonight.” She stood up and started taking the glasses to the kitchen when she remembered something. “Oh crap Josh I was supposed to give you a ride home!” 

Josh’s car had been in the shop since yesterday and Maddie has driven him to and from work today. 

“Maddie no if your sick I can’t ask you to drive me home.” He wasn’t sure how he’d get home otherwise but he hated to intrude. 

“Yeah Maddie I can give Josh a ride,” Buck chimed in and turned to Josh, “if you want.”

“You sure?” Josh looked at him pointedly not wanting to impose on him either. 

“Yeah of course!”

“That’d be great, thanks Buck,” Josh turned around again to face Maddie. “See?”

“Thank you Buck, I’m sorry Josh.” 

“Really Maddie it’s fine. You just get some rest” Josh said standing up. 

Maddie reluctantly agreed and hugged Josh goodbye. 

Buck stood up as well and bid his goodbyes to the couple adding to Chimney that he’d see him at work tomorrow. 

•

Sitting in the passenger seat of Buck’s jeep Josh was suddenly more anxious then he’d realized he would be. The two had never spent any time together apart from their occasional poker nights with Chimney and Maddie. 

Josh finally broke the silence, “Hey thanks again for giving me a ride Buck.”

Buck glanced over at him for a second before turning his eye back to the road. “It’s really no problem Josh, it’s what friends do.”

“I know I-“ He cut himself off. He never really considered that they were especially close. “We’re friends?”

“Wh- yeah of course we’re friends.” Buck sounded slightly offended at the disbelief in Josh’s voice. “You think people play poker every week for four months with people they’re not friends with?”

“I don’t know I just figured I’m there cause I’m friends with Maddie and you’re there cause you’re her brother-“ he stopped himself short again when he realized how silly he was being. “But you’re right.” He laughed partly at himself and partly at the memory of their first poker night. “Remember the first night when we thought Maddie was setting us up?” 

Buck joined him in laughing, “oh yeah.”

“Because setting up a gay guy with a straight guy made so much sense?” They laughed again but Bucks was a little more strained that time. 

They rode in silence again for a few minutes which gave Buck some time to think. They were friends. Josh was probably his only friend that would understand what had been constantly running through his mind lately. Well, there was Hen but he had to see her at work every day and he didn’t really want any of his coworkers knowing... this. It was already consuming his every waking moment and work gave him the break that he needed. If he wanted to talk to Josh he realized it was now or never. Mentally psyching himself up he cleared his throat. 

“Um, speaking of, can I-“ well here goes nothing. He couldn’t stop now. “Can I talk to you about something?” 

Josh looked over at him very confused and slightly concerned but trying not to let it show. “Yeah Buck, what is it?”

“So, well I,” he really had no idea to go about starting this. “I sort of-“ was he ever going to get this damn sentence out? “So I think maybe, possibly, I might, a little bit,” he was stalling and he knew it so he forced himself to spit it out, “kind of like guys?” He winced at the last bit as his voice fell to a volume that anyone would need super-hearing to understand. 

Unfortunately Josh had heard every word. 

He wasn’t quite sure what to say though. He had come out to people a million times but he’d never actually been on this side of the conversation. He knew what he would always want to hear. ‘I love you, I support you, I accept you’ etc. but all of that felt redundant seeing as Buck already knew Josh was gay. 

He finally settled on “oh, yeah?” prompting Buck to talk more. 

“Yeah I- I don’t know I’ve just thinking about it for a while.” He seemed like he wanted to say more but he just let himself trail off. 

“‘Cause of Eddie?” Josh joked, smiling at Buck. 

“What? No. I just-“ Buck propped his elbow on the door and rubbed at the back of his neck as he sighed. 

Josh realized he needed more help getting this out then he thought. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Uh well, I guess a while.” Josh nodded, hoping he’d continue. “So like, in my Buck 1.0 phase I think a lot of it was trying to ignore whatever these feelings were. Whenever they cropped up I would go to a bar and find some girl right? But then after Abby, when I decided to become Buck 2.0 it got harder to ignore and recently whenever I’m out, I mean guys have always hit on me and usually I’d just turn ‘em down gently you know?” He kept glancing over at Josh to gauge his reactions. “But lately I’ve been, flirting back a little and realized I like it more than I thought I would?” He quickly backtracked, overthinking how that might’ve sounded. “Not that before I was uncomfortable with it I mean-“ 

“Buck,” Josh cut him off before he could keep rambling. “Relax, you are literally coming out to me right now I’m not about to think you’re homophobic.” He laughed a little trying to calm Bucks nerves. It seemed like it worked a little because Buck laughed back. 

He took a deep breathe before he continued. This was going well. He finally said it. Someone knows. And they were being really chill about it, which was comforting. But he hadn’t really thought of it like that. He was just talking. But Josh was right. He was actually coming out right now. 

“And plus there’s the fact that this weekend when I was at a bar I made out with a guy so that’s a pretty big point in the ‘not straight’ column.” 

Josh laughed at that. “Yeah I think that’s some pretty strong evidence there.”

There was still something he had to clarify though.

“Hey so no one else knows yet. Not even Maddie, so-“ Josh put his hand up to cut him off. 

“I won’t say anything don’t worry.”

Buck smiled at him as he turned onto Josh’s street. “Thanks man.”

Josh nodded and smiled back. 

Josh’s building was on a quiet enough street that Buck could park on the side of the road. “I’ll walk you up it’s pretty late.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.” Josh began to protest but he didn’t have to tell Buck that he was slightly wary being alone, especially at night, after what had happened with Greg. Buck didn’t even say anything in response. Just stopped the car and got out. 

Once in the elevator, Josh turned to him. “Thanks Buck.” He wasn’t sure himself if he was thanking him for the ride, for walking him to his door, or for trusting him enough to be the first one he came out to. 

Neither was Buck but he smiled, “no problem.”

The elevator opened and Josh led him to an apartment almost directly across the hall. He unlocked his door but before he could step inside Buck spoke. “Thanks man.” This time there was no question what Buck was thanking him for. 

Josh smiled at him sweetly. “Of course Buck.” He felt a lot more comfortable now than he had at the beginning of the drive. 

Buck smiled back and stepped backwards toward the elevator which hadn’t yet closed. “Night Josh.”

“Goodnight Buck.”

They both stepped through the doors of Josh’s apartment and the elevator respectively. 

As the elevator doors closed, Buck let out a long deep sigh and smiled to himself. He pressed the button for the ground floor and a sudden thought occurred to him he hadn’t even considered before now. 

“Huh.”


	2. A Little Push

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love putting characters in situations that probably don’t make sense in real life just to further the plot.
> 
> Also I know it’s been a long time since i posted chapter one so hopefully it’ll be a shorter time between this chapter and the next :)
> 
> And without further ado, Evan “what’s a bassoon?” Buckley everybody!

The next morning Buck woke up earlier than he’d normally like to his phone ringing. Sleepily he reached over, unplugged his phone, and checked who was calling. 

It was Maddie. 

“Hello?”

“Buck? Did I wake you?”

“Yeah, Mads, my alarm doesn’t go off for another-“ they took the phone away from their ear to check the time, “-ugh thirty minutes.”

“Oops, sorry. Listen I need a favour.”

Buck rolled himself out of bed to go make coffee. “What is it?”

“Apparently I’m sicker than I thought. I was supposed to pick up Josh again and take him to the shop to get his car but I’m too sick to leave the house.”

“So you need me to give Josh a ride again.” Buck finished for her. 

“Yeah, he would never ask you himself so I’m calling.” She actually sounded slightly apologetic now. 

They wondered why she didn’t just ask Chimney but found themself not wanting to push too much in case she took the offer away. 

He realized he was really looking forward to seeing Josh. More than usual. Which surprised him a bit. 

“Yeah I can pick him up in.. an hour?”

“Great thank you. Of course I would’ve asked Chimney but we live on the other side of the station and the call centre from you and Josh.”

“Yeah it’s fine I can do it.”

“Awesome I’ll text Josh. Bye.”

“Bye. Feel better.”

•

Josh was talking about.. something, but for the life of him, Buck had no idea what. He couldn’t pay attention. He was too busy thinking about what to do with his hands, and how to hold a normal conversation. 

They definitely didn’t dare risk a look over at Josh. Except it was too late. And now they couldn’t look away. They couldn’t focus on anything except his eyes. And despite staring at his lips they couldn’t understand a single word coming out of them. 

“Did you just run a red light?”

That he heard. Had he? Shit. Looking in the mirror he realized they had gone straight through a red light while staring at Josh. The honking also helped. 

“Damn.”

“You alright?” Josh asked. 

How were they supposed to answer that? 

_ ’Yeah I’m fine, I’m just a little distracted by how hot you look right now?’ _

“Yeah, yeah, just a little tired is all” 

“A little?”

“It’s fine there were only, like, two cars”

Josh sighed and sat back, preparing himself to warn Buck of any upcoming red lights. He’d been jumpy ever since he picked Josh up this morning. Josh just didn’t know why. He wanted to ask again but that was clearly going nowhere. 

Soon enough they reached the shop and Josh stepped out of the jeep. 

With a sudden burst of confidence Buck stopped him. 

“Hey Josh,” oh god, “uh-“ and the sudden burst of confidence was gone quicker than it arrived, “good luck with your car.” 

They were friends and there was no way Buck was going to risk ruining that. Besides Josh worked with Maddie, it would just be a bad situation all around.

Josh knew something was up but didn’t want to make Buck uncomfortable so he just answered, “uh, thanks.” 

Buck watched Josh walk away for hardly a second before pulling out of the lot, embarrassed.

•

The entire 118 knew something was going on with Buck but he refused to give them anything. He was already embarrassed and anxious and he definitely didn’t need the whole station adding onto that. 

Luckily it was a busy day full of calls and Buck didn’t have to deal with Hen and Chimney desperate to find out what drama he’d gotten himself into this time. Eddie and Bobby were too polite to keep asking but Chim and Hen had no shame. 

The last call of the day was one Buck would probably never forget. 

A woman had fallen asleep with a candle burning and her apartment had gone up in flames. Her friend, Rose, lived across the hall and had gone over and, when she noticed the fire, tried to go in to save her. Rose barely had any injuries, luckily, but her friend didn’t make it. 

Buck was sat in the ambulance, consoling Rose while Hen fixed her up. 

“We were best friends for ten years. How could she-“

“I’m sorry” 

“There was so much she had left to do. I mean she was about to forgive her parents-“ she trailed off. 

“And I never-“ Rose took a shaky breath. “I never got to tell her how I felt.” 

With that sentence Rose finally broke down crying. Buck tried to his best to comfort her but when your friend, apparently one you’re in love with, dies, there’s not much to do. 

The whole way back to the station, Buck couldn’t stop thinking about what Rose had said. 

While getting ready to leave for the day, Eddie turned to Buck. “Hey our plans tonight still on?”

Buck looked around to see who else was there, only to find they were alone. Good. The last thing he needed was anyone getting any sort of idea about what was going on. 

“Yeah, I just need to make a quick stop first. I’ll meet you at your place.”

“Alright,” Eddie really wanted to know what had Buck acting weird all day but he knew they wouldn’t answer if he asked so he didn’t even try. 

They left the station and Buck started driving toward the dispatch centre. This time, he wouldn’t chicken out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi okay I decided to use he/they pronouns for buck from now on but I do get how the switching can be a little confusing so please let me know. I really love he/they Buck but I get that in writing it can be a little distracting so if I need to I’ll figure something else out. Thanks :)
> 
> Edit: i tried fixing the pronouns a little while still using he/they pronouns so hopefully it’s easier to track now :)


End file.
